Oh snap

Happened again....why do I do this to myself?! I can't seem to let go even though it's the end of the road and has been for awhile.... The door is closed but I keep turning the handle, hoping it will open again.

I thought it was getting better there for a bit. I tried talking it over with God, asking Him to come in and fill the empty space but it seems like a landslide happens time and time again and before I can stop it, it's another big gaping hole. Does God want my heart to be completely empty? To feel over and over the sting of rejection and the loss of what I cared about so deeply? I thought this time things were different. I was so close to what I longed for in my life and for my future and I just thought.... well, anyway, I was wrong.

I can't help but long for God's renewing, healing, life-giving joy to come and fill every fiber of my being and restore me. I am SO thirsty.

I am determined that I CANNOT let these lies that are whispering in my ear creep in and make me bitter and cold. I am clinging to the truth....

I am loved
I am cherished
I am redeemed
I am encircled
I am cleansed
I am protected
I am established
I am renewed
I am blessed

One day I'll see the sun again. My God is the God of the valley as well as the mountain, and I will never be snatched from the hands of the Lover of my soul.